Be Like Jesus

We’ve all seen it in some form or another, the ubiquitous question What would Jesus Do? While I certainly appreciate the sentiment, and while you would have a much nicer world if you all asked yourself this now and again, the reality is that even the most devout of my flock fail miserably in their attempts to emulate me. In short, you people just don’t stack up.

But that’s all about to change. In just a few simple steps you too can be just like me, your personal Lord and Saviour, part of the Holy Trinity and the one and only Son of God. How many of your friends have such a cool role model, eh? If you’re ready to be like Jesus, memorize these points and endeavor to live them in every moment of every day.

1. When interacting with other people, remind yourself now and then that you are dealing with other human beings much like yourself. You wouldn’t want them to sue you over something stupid, would you?
2. Take the time to help people around you who need help. Your sales staff will be alright getting coffee without you, but that nice lady trying to haul a bunch of packages into a UPS store could use you for a couple of minutes.
3. Take a few minutes every day and reflect on where you are, where you’re going, and what you’re doing to get there. Do you have a plan? Is it a good one?
4. Use another few minutes every day to find something you can give away which isn’t necessary to your plan. It might be a few dollars, an old swing set, or a few minutes helping your neighbor set up his PC.
5. Read the Bible. Read Hemingway. Read J.S. Mill. Read Richard Dawkins. Think for yourself.
6. You’re only on Earth for a few decades, if you’re lucky. Have a really fantastic time while there. Just don’t have too good a time.
7. If you are going to endeavor to live your life according to the beliefs of any religion, be it Christianity, Islam, even Buddhism, ensure that you are first and foremost not a hypocrite. Violating this discredits your entire religion, and furthermore exposes you as a fraud.

As you can see, these rules are not terribly difficult to follow. Most of them should be common sense, even to nonbelievers. While I don’t guarantee Heaven to everyone who sticks to these rules, those attempting the famed Closer Walk With Thee will benefit significantly from the incorporation of these suggestions into their everyday lives.