The Eternal If-Then Statement
Posted by Jesus on March 28, 2008
Larry the Free Software Guy recently asked me why I don’t write as many entries on geek topics, which is interesting because he doesn’t believe in me. Today I’m going to answer him by educating my masses in the proper use of an if-then statement, while also hopefully convincing our heathen friend Larry to park his butt on a pew this weekend. Even lost souls still have their prayers delivered to Heaven, whether they believe or not. We typically don’t even see these prayers anymore, at least since Simon and I updated our prayer filter to use Bayesian logic. Somehow Larry’s prayer slipped through, and I’ve got to believe it’s providence. I’d ask Dad directly, but He’s on retreat with a pack of orangutans. Sometimes you gotta go with your gut anyway. Here’s how to write killer if-then statements.
Up here in Heaven we have an absolutely incredible network infrastructure. You would be astounded the kind of work true geeks can accomplish when they’re given an unlimited budget and all the freedom they want to play. Our network exists in a state of constant innovation and upgrade, yet nothing ever goes down or locks up, or at least nothing critical. Even the three Windows servers we keep around to study the latest viruses and spam coming out of Earth have uptimes in the thousands of years. Time moves way different up here, but even in Heaven that’s pretty awesome.