Posted by Jesus on May 2, 2007
For those of you who visited from Digg in the last day or two, I’d like to extend a special welcome to you. OpenJesus.org has a handful of loyal Christians who visit frequently, but this recent activity is somewhat unprecedented. It reminds me a lot of the day that woman found the picture on her grilled cheese sandwich. We never expected to get so many prayers that day, so it kind of caught us off-guard; same kind of thing with you Digg folks showing up a couple of thousand at a time. I had to call up Dad, who tossed a minor miracle down to bring the server back online last night. He’s the ultimate Linux guy.
Become enlightened…continue reading »
Posted by Jesus on March 14, 2007
A few readers prayed in this morning to ask about the Damnation Level images at the bottom of every post. Apparently they’re causing some confusion among the masses, so I thought that today, instead of damning someone or discussing matters of faith, I’d just talk about your eternal soul and how it is impacted by this highly usable and easy-to-follow alert scale.
If you’ve lived in America for any amount of time you’re likely to have heard of 9/11. Following these terror attacks by radical Muslims, a large number of whom were from the as of yet unbombed nation of Saudi Arabia, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security instituted a color-coded terror alert system designed to keep the public informed and aware of threats to their well-being. They call this the Homeland Security Advisory System, and it is among the greatest concepts ever to emerge from the mind of a mortal and God-fearing human. Nothing else even comes close to paralleling what the term fear of God should mean to an individual as does this scale. Since Americans have responded so well to the official Homeland Security Advisory System, it was decided early-on that openjesus.org would reproduce to some degree the Department of Homeland Security’s own scale for use in the saving of souls. This is why we have the Damnation Level.
Become enlightened…continue reading »
Posted by Jesus on March 4, 2007
So Dad and I had a nice long talk, and he basically decided that it was my responsibility to find some way to refocus our children. That means all of you. Now I’m not meaning to be picky, and we all know that I would never cast the first stone at any of my own, but come on people! Do you have any idea how hard I worked to set things right there?
What I’m planning to do here is talk about whatever is in the news and answer the question “What would I do?” I’ll also be clarifying some of the more minor points of living in harmony, such as when it is appropriate to eliminate a rival tribe completely and what one should do with children who don’t behave. Where appropriate I will point to examples of people doing all of the right things and examples of people who will be going to Hell. Above all, however, I will be answering your questions. If you’d like to contact me and don’t already know how, click here to be enlightened.
I guess you can basically expect to see this site running completely in about the time it takes anything else to happen around here. Check back in 7 days.
