Allowing fags to get married is dangerous
Posted by Jesus on November 4, 2009
Yesterday the voters of Maine chose to maintain the sanctity of marriage, overturning a previous law which granted fag couples the right to be recognized as something other than the filthy whores they really are. The party still continues in Heaven today, where the campaigning for ever-increasing scrutiny and hate for fags continues unabated, but apparently in your realm there are at least a few of you who believe that state-sanctioned penis-to-penis contact is somehow appropriate.
Well, it’s been a crazy week. Between packing up campaign offices from Heaven City to Dallas, giving the reassuring word to hundreds of millions of people soon to be made destitute and socialist against their wills, and trying to keep God and Moses from bringing the Apocalypse upon you, this has been one hell of a week. The infighting in Heaven has never been as bad as it it’s been this week, not even when old Lucifer got up on his high-horse.
Children, Heaven is in dire straits. We have come to rely on your gracious and constant outpouring of large donations to maintain our Holy infrastructure, but offerings have dried up in recent months. Heaven is facing a severe liquidity crisis. We need an immediate $700 billion dollars in tithes or else we face the certain and imminent collapse of many of the systems which keep all of you safe from Satan and his minions.
Hello loyal readers and seekers of His Word in Truth, this is Moses. Don’t worry, Jesus is fine, he’s just spending the day with Luciano, who as you may know is a recent arrival up here. They’re rehearsing for their performance tonight at God’s birthday party. I know what you’re thinking – God doesn’t have a birthday. You’re right, but that doesn’t stop us from celebrating it about four times per year. God is, to put it bluntly, something of a socialite, and uses every opportunity available to make everyone in Heaven visit Him on His hill.