Officially atheist Russia reaps God’s Wrath

Posted by Jesus on March 31, 2010

And here all this time you Americans thought God only allowed muslim fanatics to attack you. Well, here’s a little lesson for you. A dozen or more Russians were suicide bombed over the weekend by followers of that whore Mohammad, which should of course show anyone paying attention that He has more than just killing Americans in mind for His favorite heathens.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret here. God hates Russians. Always has. His beef goes waaaaaaay back, to a part of History most Americans don’t even know existed. Ahh yes, the days of Ronald Reagan.

You see, America was locked in a nuclear stalemate with Russia, with both sides completely able to rain death and destruction from the skies. Presidents before Ronald Reagan had been able to stave off the advancing horde of atheist communist murdering Russian dogs, but had not been able to crush them completely. Reagan, however, had the tool. God.

Not long after becoming President, Reagan called on God for the first time since Nixon, and God delivered. The Soviet Union imploded from within, and after only a short period of time lost the ability to keep up with the USA in nuclear weapon production. Today the USA has several times more nukes than Russia, which means you guys won (and are still winning) the Cold War!

The recent attack on Russian by muslims should be seen as a lesson, though. What God is trying to tell you is that Communist countries are not blessed. Right now America is turning heavily Communist, and if you don’t believe me you’re not watching enough Glen Beck.

Of course that’s not to say that God has intentions of letting muslims blow up your subways, but it’s important to look for the deeper meaning in His letting muslims blow up the subways of countries you’re starting to resemble, both socially and, unfortunately, financially. His lessons are often obscure, but if you go long enough without heeding them, then you have to get a wake up call. And nobody wants any more flooding for a while, I’m sure.

More importantly, this is a message to Russia. It’s now more critical than ever that they officially adopt Christianity as their state religion. Nothing short of intervention by God Himself will stem the tide of muslims blowing them up at this point.

Related Posts

• Cold War: Part II
• Chris Dodd (D) diagnosed with God’s Wrath
• My very own Jackpot
• Fellow Barack Obama churchgoer mocks atheist!
• The Atheist Amnesty Program
• Jesus has a crush
• Hillary pretends she has faith too