Uganda hates fags, will be blessed by God

Posted by Jesus on December 3, 2009

A recent proposed law in Uganda has caught the attention of Heaven, and Dad has asked me to specifically bring it to the attention of you good Christians. The purpose of the legislation is something that is very dear to God. Uganda, you see, is in the process of passing legislation which puts fags to death!

Of course you know we’ve been working hard with people like Pat Robertson and Texas Governor Rick Perry (who is an excellent killer for God) to put fags to death in the USA for a long time, a goal which with every passing day becomes more of a reality. We know our road is long, especially with so many outspoken fags in prominent positions in the United States, but our recent victories in Uganda have renewed our passion and helped us once again recognize the importance of bringing God’s mandated punishment of death to fags around the world.

From the Bible:

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

I’m also proud to see that God’s Plan being carried out in Uganda is evident to pastor Rick Warren, one of His few chosen mouthpieces on Earth. Pastor Warren has been a lifelong soldier for God, and because of his astonishing ability to appear moderate on an issue while actually holding God’s official hard line has become something of a go-to guy on matters of importance. Pastor Warren has been with us in our anti-fag crusade for quite a while now, and like all good Christians views the proposed law as the fulfillment of a direct mandate from God. Asked about his views on the proposed legislation, Warren refused to condemn it, instead reminding Newsweek that people (even fags) have to live with the consequences of their choices.

From the article:

“The fundamental dignity of every person, our right to be free, and the freedom to make moral choices are gifts endowed by God, our creator. However, it is not my personal calling as a pastor in America to comment or interfere in the political process of other nations.”

See that? The freedom to make moral choices is a gift from God, says Rick Warren. Immoral choices, such as those which place one’s penis in direct contact with the exhaust hole of another man, or those which find the tongues of two women occupying a single mouth, remove a person’s freedom, and instead demand that God’s stated punishment be carried out. It’s as simple as that! And of course we all know that pastor Warren has made numerous comments about the political processes of other nations (and am I the only one who remembers that he took a trip to Syria not long ago, and even agreed that Iran’s President should be assassinated?), which means that his decision to stay silent on this particular matter can only be taken as absolute proof of his support for Uganda’s new proposal. With a guy like Rick Warren behind the idea, how could it be so wrong?

Uganda’s new direction is certainly gaining the attention of the Almighty, which definitely puts America in some danger of losing her most blessed status. I doubt any of you really need me to tell you that at this point though, seeing as most of you are starting to figure out that by allowing Obama to become President, Geithner to run your economy, and most recently allowing muslims to attack you on your own soil again, God is making a strong point to all of you about your increasingly wicked ways. If you want His blessing, you have to follow His rules.

You could learn a thing or two from Uganda.

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