Sarah Palin is an unmitigated moron

Posted by Jesus on June 11, 2009

You know, as the Son of God it is my duty to love each and every one of you more than I love even myself. I will admit that on the mornings that I catch sight of myself in the mirror this can be tougher than you’d think. You have no idea the kind of ripped physique 2,000 years of carpentry will give you. Yet despite my mandate to love each of you, I am under no obligation whatsoever to actually like any of you. And that brings me to the subject of today’s offering, Sarah Palin.

You see, a couple of nights ago David Letterman made some off-color comments about, according to Sarah, her 14-year old daughter Willow. Willow had recently accompanied her mother to a baseball game and Letterman, who like 94.25% of Americans don’t know or care to know the individual names of Sarah’s kids, made a comment on his show later about Palin’s daughter being impregnated by baseball player Alex Rodriguez during the game.

Of course we all know that Letterman was actually referring to Bristol Palin when he made those comments, the 18-year old whore daughter of Sarah. Bristol has a child out of wedlock already, and even recently broke up with the child’s father. What Letterman was joking about was the fact that Bristol is a slut, and would therefore likely have been impregnated by a baseball player during a game, as opposed to Willow, who at 14 is still a few years from potentially becoming a whore herself. It was an honest mistake on Letterman’s part, and one which was clearly predicated on the fact that no one gives enough of a damn about Sarah Palin or her family to know which of her kids is the one who’s made her a grandmother and which of her kids is still an infant.

Of course Sarah couldn’t let it go at that. No, Sarah somehow thinks the names, ages, and underage promiscuity statuses of each of her children are common knowledge, and that Letterman and his writers intentionally wrote this joke to promote underage sex, particularly underage sex with Willow! As if sister Bristol hasn’t done that enough already!

From Sarah Palin’s Facebook page:

“Concerning Letterman’s comments about my young daughter (and I doubt he’d ever dare make such comments about anyone else’s daughter): ‘Laughter incited by sexually-perverted comments made by a 62-year-old male celebrity aimed at a 14-year-old girl is not only disgusting, but it reminds us some Hollywood/N.Y. entertainers have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands — that acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone’s daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others.’ “

This only goes to prove my point. I had to work with her and John McCain all through the election campaign, and in the 2,000 years I’ve been saving souls I have yet to meet anyone as absolutely clueless as Sarah Palin. She makes huge issues out of every little thing she can find, but is somehow oblivious to the most important aspects of life – such as keeping her teenage daughter from being irrevocably damned to the fires of hell for having sex before marriage! She’s the laughingstock of both national and international politics, yet she somehow thinks she has the credibility to demand an apology from David Letterman over what is essentially her own colossal idiocy.

It’s people like Sarah Palin who make me sometimes wonder if all of that crap I went through down there was worth it at. She’s lucky Dad likes her, because without His constant attention and guidance I think Sarah would spend most of her time walking into walls.

But even after all that I still love her. Funny how that works.

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