Allowing fags to get married is dangerous

Posted by Jesus on November 4, 2009

Yesterday the voters of Maine chose to maintain the sanctity of marriage, overturning a previous law which granted fag couples the right to be recognized as something other than the filthy whores they really are. The party still continues in Heaven today, where the campaigning for ever-increasing scrutiny and hate for fags continues unabated, but apparently in your realm there are at least a few of you who believe that state-sanctioned penis-to-penis contact is somehow appropriate.

One prominent outlet for the pro-fag agenda is intershame.com, a site dedicated to “shaming bad behavior on the WWW since 1995.” In a profanity-laced posting reminiscent of something only a godless heathen terrorist sympathizer with fag children and a mother he doesn’t love could create, the operator of intershame.com has leveled a challenge at those of us who respect and follow Dad’s absolute mandate that fags should be hated and set against at every opportunity.

From intershame.com:

So I’m going to throw out a challenge – if somebody can convince me that their marriage is threatened by the marriage of a same-sex couple, I’ll let them run this site for a month. That’s right – a month. For that month, you can shame whoever you want. If you want to shame gay people for loving each other, you can. If you want to shame scientists for attempting to understand the world around them through logical analysis of collected data, you can do that to. If you want to shame the people in congress who have the audacity to stand up to corporations’ noble quest for more profit, feel free. You can shame anything you want for a month – just convince me how same-sex marriage threatens yours (or my) heterosexual one.

Before I address the challenge directly I’d like to make a point that the author has clearly overlooked in his ramblings. The very notion of anyone wanting to “shame gay people for loving each other” is quite ridiculous in practice, as their lifestyle is shame enough in itself. God Himself even hates them, so believing that anyone can deliver greater shame to fags than that of being irrevocably destined to endure the boiling pits of Hell for all eternity is, to be completely honest, laughable. Even when I do win the challenge and have intershame.com under the firm control of Heavenly protection for a month, very little I can say or do will cause greater shame to fags than that which they have already brought upon themselves. That being said, you can count on my continued shaming of scientists who twist the gifts God left you into theories which do not support the literal interpretation of His Book.

More to the point, there are clearly significant dangers presented to heterosexual marriages by those fags audacious enough to attempt to become legitimate couples. These dangers fall into two distinct categories, the first of which encompasses the general dangers presented by homosexuality. These are things such as wrath from God, which of course often includes the earth swallowing people, fire from the skies, tornadoes, and earthquakes. The second danger is of a more direct type, and is aimed at the institution of marriage itself and, in many cases, at specific marriages.

From the Bible:

“And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;  Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Ephesians 5:2-5)

It’s important to notice first that I smell sweet. You could always count on Paul to remember the important stuff.

Also notice here that “fornication” is covered as something that will deny a person “any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God?” Fornication is defined as “voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.” Put simply, anytime two people who are not married have sex with one another, be they straight, fag, or otherwise, they are sinning in the eyes of God, and as such are most definitely going to Hell. This goes for fags, singles, cheaters, and even porn stars (sorry).

What this means to the voters of Maine is that they have the right to determine whether or not an entire class of people are labeled by God as fornicators, as opposed to simply sodomites. Should the voters determine that marriage between fags is allowed, then fags who have sex would no longer have to worry about being cast into the pits of Hell for fornication. At first glance this might look like a pretty simple problem to overcome – just legalize gay marriage and all will be well in the world, right?

Not quite. That’s where Satan gets you. It’s all in the details.

Leviticus 18 lays down a whole series of laws regarding sex, including specific instructions not to have sex with your mother or father, both a woman and her daughter (sorry again porn stars), any woman during her period, animals, or anyone of your same sex. More importantly, after 23 verses of specifics as to who and what a person is not supposed to screw, a pronouncement is made regarding any nation which does not adhere to God’s standards:

More from the Bible:

“Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you: And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants. Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you: (For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;) That the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you. For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people. Therefore shall ye keep mine ordinance, that ye commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that ye defile not yourselves therein: I am the LORD your God.” (Leviticus 18: 24-30)

What you’ve just read was God Himself telling all of you that fags (as well as those who have sex with their mothers, animals, etc.) “shall be cut off from among their people.” It couldn’t really get any clearer than that. Anyone in Maine who voted to allow fags to get married was egregiously violating God’s direct orders on the matter, even if it seemed at the time like you were doing something noble in overturning the fornication standard. And just like He drove out the nations before and punished them for their sins, so will all of you be driven from your lands and  punished for your sins. In fact, your punishments have already begun. Am I the only one here who remembers that 9/11 was punishment from God for the USA’s allowance of homosexuality? It’s not always going to be flood, you know.

So essentially the biggest danger presented to traditionally married couples by the encroachment of fag marriage is that the earth will rise up and swallow you (which we both know is only a precursor to its then vomiting you out again), more buildings will be run into by muslims, and that your own eternities will be spent alongside those fags in the deep and horrible recesses of Hell. This goes double for any traditionally married couple who actually supports giving fags anything other than a one-way bus ticket to somewhere God doesn’t care about, like Mexico or Argentina, as He ordered.

Plane crashes, God’s wrath, and eternities in Hell aside, the original challenge does call for absolute proof that heterosexual marriages are in direct danger because of the actions of fags.

More from intershame.com:

Let’s set something straight right now – in no way, shape or form does two men or two women getting married lessen the bond between a straight couple. It’s like believing that when I kiss a woman, it doesn’t mean as much because two men just kissed down the road. It’s a complete nonsensical argument, but one that’s made over and over again in order to justify prejudice.

At first glance you might think that he’s onto something. He’s probably heard all of the biblical arguments presented in Leviticus, I Corinthians, and Romans about homosexuality, and is content to refute them with this “nonsensical” conclusion that his kissing a woman can’t mean anything less just because two fags kissed in some relative proximity.

We’ll, let’s examine that.

First of all, if he’s kissing anyone other than his heterosexual spouse it can only mean one thing: instant damnation to the ugliest part of Hell reserved for fornicators. Since the two fags down the road aren’t married either the same can also be said of them.

If the challenge is to find something about homosexual behavior that poses a direct threat to the institution of marriage, how about the fact that homosexual people (and indeed cheaters and singles who engage in voluntary fornication) are enjoying the single biggest benefit of marriage, that of being able to have sex, without having to put up with any of its innumerable disadvantages, the most prominent of which is, ironically, not having enough sex?

Being stuck with the same set of lips day after day, month after month, year after year, is absolutely going to pale in comparison to the two fags kissing down the street, particularly since we all know they’re only going to part ways shortly in order to find new, exciting, fresh lips to kiss, and that by dark they’ll have found six or eight other things to have wrapped their lips around. Without marriage to confine you to a single partner with whom to share a limited set of beliefs there would be nothing stopping you from living life to the fullest, experiencing and learning from a multitude of people, and fully experimenting and enjoying all that your short lives have to offer you, just like homosexuals.

While it might not seem like the two fags kissing down the road are lessening the meaning of a kiss shared by a heterosexual married couple, rest assured that every time the heterosexual married couple sees either of those fags kissing someone new down the road they’re going to wonder why they’re not getting new lips. Given time many of them are going to go against God and choose to live the fullest life they can, and just like that…poof…the marriage is over.

What’s nonsensical is not seeing that this is exactly what we’re talking about when we discuss “preserving marriage.” If fags are accepted fully by a society, to the point that they’re allowed to stand on a street and kiss within view of a heterosexual married couple, then on a long enough timeline marriage as an institution is simply going to vanish, because at the end of the day being down the road kissing new lips regularly is better than being where you are kissing the same lips day in and day out. If for some reason that doesn’t make sense to you, then you haven’t been married long enough. God didn’t design it to be easy. It’s supposed to suck. That’s why married people have a chance at making it into Heaven, while fags absolutely do not.

I’ll let you in on a little secret too: married people who support letting fags also get married are the lowest of the low in God’s eyes. “Confused monkeys,” He calls you, and I’d have to agree with Him. On one count you’re taking the high road, dealing with the pressures and confines of marriage in order to live by the example He set for you with Adam and Eve, but at the same time suggesting that He was ultimately wrong in mandating that fags be expelled from your nations. In this sense you could easily say that your kissing a girl as opposed to gathering good stoning rocks when in the proximity of two fags kissing suggests that the meaning in your kiss is not just lessened, it is absolutely irrelevant.

This is, of course, why you’re seeing such an increase in the occurrences of erectile dysfunction. If you were to do a study on the religious and social views of ED sufferers you’d find that almost 95% of married Viagra-chompers hold liberal views on matters concerning fags. Since sex is the great gift God has bestowed upon married couples it should come as no surprise that it’s the first thing He attacks when you start talking about His being wrong.

Obviously any method of granting any rights whatsoever to fags is fraught with peril, especially to those who are married. Attempting to grant fags the same rights as traditionally-married couples will only invite God’s wrath and further alienate the USA from His ever-diminishing blessings, many of which, sex included, are specifically reserved for traditionally married couples.

More from intershame.com:

Bonus points for using religion as part of your defense because everybody knows god and Jesus hates gays. Extra bonus points for clearly explaining what “preserving marriage” means. Super extra bonus points if you can explain to me how two people in love is a bad thing.

We both know that gay people can’t experience love, so I’ll have to live without the super extra bonus points. I’m sure having all of your other questions answered by Jesus himself will more than make up for it though.

Beginning next week: Jesus takes over intershame.com!

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