2008: A year in cow sex

Posted by Jesus on January 2, 2009

The old year is behind us, while 2009 spreads out before us like a Christian teenage girl at her first frat party. There’s a lot of wrath in store for Christians and heathens alike in this new year, and in time we will get to the damnation and other business. I’d like to take one final look back at 2008 though, as there are some trends about which you should be aware. The most disturbing is the immense rise in cow sex.

The image to the right is taken from but one of the statistics packages this blog employs. Throughout 2008 the number of visitors to this site increased with each passing month, especially as the economy continued to collapse and more nonbelievers began to assert a revitalized sense of faith. As you can see, however, no single search term for 2008 was more effective at creating traffic than “cow sex.”

And it’s not just a single search. People searching for Internet references about sexual relations with cows made up the 1st, 4th, 5th, 8th, 14th, 15th, and 19th most popular keyword hits to this site in 2008.

Of course the article drawing so much traffic was this one, posted on November 21. What that means is that the most significant portion of the traffic to this site came in the last 41 days of 2008, and was almost entirely one-sided toward bovine encounters.

Now I don’t want to get off on a big preachy thing about why you shouldn’t be having sex with cows (or any other animal, for that matter), because you should honestly know better. There are a whole lot of people doing Google searches on the topic, though, and I have always been the type to go where I’m needed. Of course that doesn’t mean that I will personally be having relations with a cow, but I do consider cow lovers to be a particular group of individuals in need of my very specific type of love, similar in a way to whores.

The cow sex army has spoken. In 2009 we will be discussing this topic regularly. Stay tuned, true believers.

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