The Truth About Medicine

Posted by Jesus on April 4, 2008

You may have heard about Madeline Neumann, the 11-year-old girl who died not long ago because her parents refused to seek medical treatment for her diabetes. I’ve been inundated with prayers and questions from people the world over regarding this incident, to the point that we’ve had to bring in some temporary staff to handle the prayer overload. Things are finally starting to settle down enough that I can discuss the broad implications of prayer-based healing with all of you, so today that’s what I’d like to do. Our topic this afternoon is important, so I’ll get right to it.

Madeline was diagnosed with a treatable form of diabetes very young in her life, but her parents refused to take her to a doctor for more than 8 years, relying instead on the power of faith and prayer to keep their
daughter’s condition under control. While most atheists and pagans are concentrating on the fact that she died (even to the point that her three siblings have been removed from their home by the State), good Christians should be pointing to the fact that Madeline lived for 8 years without treatment. That alone is a testament to the power of prayer. If it didn’t work, how did she live so long? But that’s not the most important point.

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. Medicines don’t work. None of them. It’s all a fantasy. I know it sounds bizarre, but it’s time you know the truth. This might sound a little strange to many of you, particularly the overwhelming percentage who have been cured of something or another by a pill or a shot, but medicine doesn’t work.

You know how God put things hundreds of billions of light years away from you then pre-set their light to be most of the way to you when He created Earth? Or how He put fossils and decayed radioactive sources in your Earth to test your faith? Modern medicine is roughly the same thing. It’s a series of predestined events and intercessions by God Himself masked within the completely logical-looking world of medical science. It shouldn’t really come as any major surprise. Astrophysicists are considered among the most brilliant people alive, and they say that the universe is some 13 billion years old. Geologists say the world is 4 billion years old, at least, and they’re regarded as pretty smart. Paleontologists and archaeologists are also considered intellectuals, but like virtually every other genius scientist of the last thousand years they are dead wrong about nearly everything they believe. This is because God wanted it that way. He wanted the most erudite among you to waste your time postulating theories based on science, reason, and experiment.

Now why would He want it this way, you ask? There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation, so those inclined to logic should pay close attention. All of your atheist friends will be stumped by this one.

God gives you the illusion of medicine because if He did not you would have irrefutable proof that He is real, at which point the concept of free will crumbles, making Him wrong, which is impossible. It can therefore be said that the function and success of medicine is tantamount to the placement of light in the cosmos and the planting of a fossil record which proves the Earth to be billions of years old. That you have seen and even felt medicine to work merely means that in your specific case God intended for you to be tested and to recover. Sometimes He means for you to die. In either event, it is not the chemotherapy or antibiotic which mitigates your ailment, but rather your having completed your turmoil. When a disease no longer impacts your life, it means that God has ended whatever test He was conducting.

Some of you may be feeling apprehensive right now, having trusted your lives to medication in the past. You should feel that way, as you have sinned against your Creator. Your illness was actually Holy tribulation, and having treated it with man-made pharmaceuticals basically means you’ve sinned, and pretty grievously. You know that God heals people, yet you choose to ignore Him and see your family physician instead. What does that tell you about your actual belief. It means you’re either paying lip service to Christianity because you’re not smart enough to even understand the central tenets of your own religion, or that you outright don’t believe that God can or will heal you. Either way, you’re denying God. That’s pretty bad.

So let’s get back to this poor girl, Madeline. A bunch of you are screaming for her parents to be charged for calling upon God to heal their little girl. And not just the atheists, I hear more Christians screaming for justice than anyone else. Do you think they’re crazy? Why? Because they believe in my Dad? Because they really think that He can save their little girl? You believe though, don’t you? I mean, you believe in a God who loves you and wants you to be happy and safe, but will take you when it’s convenient for Him, right? That’s what you keep saying, over and over again.

But when you’re sick you don’t call on the same God who talks to you in your dreams and in Church. When you’re sick you somehow think that He’s too busy to heal you, and instead you go see a medical professional. You don’t go see an astrophysicist when you want to know the truth about something cosmic though. You don’t ask a paleontologist about the past. Why not? It’s the same thing. Science is all intertwined. You either have to believe in it, or you have to believe in God.

Madeline and I sat down today to talk about some things. She’s a good girl. We’re going to have her process some prayers at first, then we’ll move her into a more important role as a liaison to churches. Her parents did right by her, and as a result she’s interning with me for the next few weeks.

Let this be a lesson to the rest of you, though. Denying the existence of God is not acceptable at all, even when it’s an action which implies the denial. Seeing a doctor when you’re sick is just such an action. So basically what I’m trying to say is that seeking medical attention will get you sent to Hell. The appropriate response to any medical emergency is to pray.

So now you know. Hopefully you’ll move forward with this knowledge and all become more like little Madeline’s parents. Sure, your little girls might not always pull through, but at least you’ll be assured that they’re in a better place.