Ron Paul is going to Hell

Posted by Jesus on January 30, 2008

If you’ve been on the Internet for any period of time, you’re likely to have heard of a guy named Ron Paul. He is a Congressman from Texas who specializes in individual liberty, constitutional awareness, self-sufficiency, elimination of government waste, budgetary responsibility, and a whole list of typical Christian values. To many of you, then, it will come as something of a surprise that Ron Paul and his small but potent group of followers are all going to Hell. Rest assured that we in Heaven have a very good reason for damning Dr. Paul and all who associate with him. In fact, we have several reasons. To keep things brief I’ll give you five of them today.

1. Terrorism. The United States of America is engaged in a war against muslims. You didn’t start that war, and you didn’t provoke those people. They just came and attacked you, out of nowhere, for no other reason than the fact that they hate people who live under a flag of freedom. They’ve bombed military barracks, run boats into ships, and have even gone so far as to crash planes into your buildings. Ron Paul seems to think that the United States provoked these radical muslims into action by occupying their lands with hundreds of military bases and hundreds of thousands of troops over the last several decades. Let me ask you though - if the USA had all of those bases and all of those troops stationed so close to people who hate you, why would the terrorists feel the need to go all the way to New York City to attack you?

Ron Paul can’t possibly be right about why muslim terrorists attacked the USA. But he comes across as a reasonable man, and he appears to firmly believe in his argument against your supposedly “interventionist” policies in the Middle East, so what gives? In the words of the greatest President who ever lived, “You are either with us, or you’re with the terrorists.” Ron Paul must be with the terrorists then, as any good American understands that you’re only fighting the muslims because they hate your freedom. It’s not because of some colossal lack of respect for their sovereignty or because you support Israel, because there are plenty of nations which also fit that bill and don’t have the same muslim problem that you do. If you could give the terrorists one gift, what would it be? Might it be that you bring all of your troops home and invite them to continue their attacks inside the USA as opposed to blowing them up by the hundreds in their own streets? If you want to give this gift to your enemies then by all means continue supporting Ron Paul, but don’t expect to get to Heaven with that attitude.

2. Libertarianism/self-sufficiency. Look, I know that the whole self-reliance thing feels good, and I know that a lot of you are kind of put off by the idea of your government being involved in every aspect of your lives, but you clearly haven’t thought this whole libertarian philosophy through. You belong to a religion which runs every aspect of your lives, from the type of food that you eat to the type of sex that you have, the jobs you’re allowed to work and on what days you can perform them, what you can and can’t say, how much money you should donate, how to feel about people who are and are not like you, and even how to kill those who do not follow the central tenets of your shared religious upbringing. Why would you then have issues with your government acting in the same fashion, particularly if the government is headed by men who believe in the same moral philosophy? Ron Paul claims to be a Christian, but he wants people to be free from government interference, which means he wants people to be free from religious interference as well, Ron Paul is damned which could get you irrevocably sent to Hell. How could you even begin to support a candidate who has such radical ideas about self-governance and religious freedom?

3. Abortion. Ron Paul is a medical doctor who has delivered several thousand babies. Fine. Good. He’s also a staunch supporter of the pro-life movement, and has gone so far as to introduce legislation classifying life as beginning at conception. Great. He even campaigns on a pro-life platform. Even better. What he does not do, however, is demand that all women who get abortions be put to death, and that all doctors who perform them also be stoned. Dr. Paul doesn’t even stand behind his own position, as admirable as that position may be, so why bother? I’ll tell you why. It’s because he hates your freedom. Just like the terrorists.

4. Money. Economists from every corner of the globe are lining up to endorse Ron Paul, and for what? He has a four-point plan to restore economic solvency to the United States, and let me just say for the record that it would work, and incredibly well. Were you to elect Ron Paul you would likely find yourselves in an era of financial bliss unmatched by any in history inside of a year. Of course that would inevitably get you all damned to Hell because God wants you to be poor even if Ron Paul doesn’t.

5. The Constitution. The primary author of the United States Constitution was Thomas Jefferson, who was not an atheist but was also not really a Christian. When he wrote the document he did so in a manner which cannot be called Christian in nature, which basically makes your founding document one of secularism, if not outright polytheism. Ron Paul wants to guide your nation back to the foundations of this document, thereby destroying the hegemony Christians have fought for over these last two hundred years in order to break free from such secularism. Paul’s return to a long-forgotten and explicitly ignored Constitution may seem like a great idea to many of you now, but that’s only because you haven’t heard Mike Huckabee’s thoughts on the matter.

So you see, Ron Paul is not the leader your Christian nation is looking for. He wants to strengthen Al-Quaeda and the muslims by bringing your troops home to do things like defend your borders and clean up the remnants of massive hurricanes instead of occupying their lands and killing anyone who doesn’t agree with the American philosophy of No Revolution freedom and prosperity through mandated compliance. He wants to free you all from government intrusion by restoring your Constitutional rights, but fails to recognize that doing so would also imply that you are allowed to be free from religious intrusion and monitoring. He wants to improve the economic standing of anyone willing to work hard by canceling social welfare programs and allowing more Americans to keep the money they earn, but at a cost of your eternal, rich soul. Finally, he wants to allow you all to choose your own destiny in a free and financially prosperous nation, giving you every opportunity to fall further from God’s grace and deeper into the sins of greed and lust. Ron Paul will ensure that every American goes to Hell, and for that he has been deemed a “suppressive person” by God Himself. When he dies he will find himself in Hell for his many faults and sins, as will anyone with those annoying signs and bumper stickers. Any way you look at it, the Ron Paul Revolution ends in the eternal, flaming, boiling pit of Hell, with no blimp in sight.