Burn, Patriots, Burn
Posted by Jesus on February 3, 2008
All season long I’ve been damning the Patriots, so is anyone out there really surprised that I made them lose? Wars are won by whoever I support. Figure skating? I control it. Whether or not you win the lottery? That’s all me. Tonight I got to decide who won the Super Bowl, one of my most important choices of the year. I picked the team not damned completely to Hell. For so long as I am the Son of God, which is of course eternally, the New England Patriots will never have a perfect season.
What a game though, huh? Can Jesus put on a show or what? And to think I let them run all season, helped them with win after win, just to burn them in the Super Bowl. Such is the Lord’s punishment for those who defy God’s law. And those who cheat.
And Giants fans, you’re all welcome. Now it’s time to start making good on those promises. I upheld my end of the deal. I expect you to do the same.
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Matthew Flaschen said,
You know Jesus, it’s dangerous to make predictions about the Earthly realm. Historically, they haven’t turned out so well. There’s a lot of seasons left…
Jesus said,
Matthew, I assure you of this:
The Patriots will never have an undefeated season and also win the Super Bowl.
Also, all fags go to Hell.
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