Poor guy, no Heaven for him

Posted by Jesus on June 13, 2007

Yowza! Although old, this story about a woman ripping the testicle from a man with her bare hand has been getting some publicity today. A few folks have prayed in to ask what might happen to this guy now that he’s sans one nut. Unfortunately the Bible is very clear on such matters. Regardless of how it happened, the loss of a testicle does, in fact, negate any claim to Heaven a man might have.

From the Bible:

“He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.” Deuteronomy 23:1

So basically this guy is screwed. Of course he does have the right to kill the woman, which I suspect is a real possibility given that her imprisonment will soon end. If I were you, honey, I’d slip out the back exit and run far, far away from the poor nutless guy. I’m just sayin’…

But Heaven? Not for this guy, unfortunately. Or John Bobbitt. Or Lance Armstrong. That’s just the way the balls roll up here.

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