Our new starting safety

Posted by Jesus on November 27, 2007

You’ve probably heard about the death of Sean Taylor already this morning. Your “news” outlets are unbelievably capable of delivering up-to-the-minute reports on the status of professional football players and celebrities. It’s funny how they don’t do the same for your soldiers getting blown up in any of your various combat zones. On one hand we have brave men and women putting themselves in harm’s way to kill muslim heathens on your behalf, and on the other we have people who make you laugh or cheer now and again. Which one do you really think is more important?

In any case, I’ve got some good news for the family of Sean Taylor. While he may be dead and the void he leaves behind may be deep, he has gone to a better place. In fact, he was specifically chosen by God Himself to be our new starting safety in Heaven City. We looked at several candidates, including Roy Williams, but not unlike Cowboys fans we are wholly unimpressed with Roy’s play as of late. In Heaven City we only recruit the best, which is why we’ve got Brett Favre signed and are agressively drafting other skilled positions from within the ranks of your NFL. We’re going to need a runningback pretty soon too, so do your home team a favor and let them know that they need to keep their backups warm, especially if they have a top-tier guy.

Taylor’s family has been very understanding through this process. With Moses and most of my best operatives tied up with this whole Pat Robertson and Rudy Giuliani thing I had to send Peter to extend Sean an invitation to join our football team. Sean was skeptical at first, which is why Peter shot him in the leg. We needed to convince him, and Peter understood the best way to do so was to let him speak with God first-hand. As soon as Sean lost consciousness the negotiations began. I think in the end we got a pretty awesome deal out of him, and eventually he was convinced to give his body up and begin immediately practicing with his new team.

From the article:

Family friend Richard Sharpstein said Taylor’s father told him the news around 5:30 a.m.

“His father called and said he was with Christ and he cried and thanked me,” said Sharpstein, Taylor’s former lawyer. “It’s a tremendously sad and unnecessary event. He was a wonderful, humble, talented young man, and had a huge life in front of him. Obviously God had other plans.”

Obviously.

I don’t understand why some people often talk about how much a person had to live for or what kind of life they might have had in front of them after being notified that their late friend or family member has entered Heaven. Why should it matter that he had a huge life in front of him? In the end you should all be working solely toward your life in Heaven, and nothing else. All week long you all banter on about how well you’re doing and what the future holds for you, but then on Sundays you pretend to forget it all and sing about how bad you want into Heaven. It’s preposterous. You either live for your time on Earth or you live for your time up here. You dont’ get it two ways unless you’re someone special, like Pat Robertson, David Koresh, or Sean Taylor.

Either way, he’s here now. We’ve been weak in the secondary for a while, so it’s exciting to finally be adding some real talent there. Now all we need is another good corner and an inside linebacker and our defense will be ready to take on the Patriots when their bus goes over that cliff later in the season.

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