Operation Pat Robertson-Freedom

Posted by Jesus on November 15, 2007

It’s official. Pat Robertson is under duress, and his support for Rudy Giuliani has been forced. He may look perfectly normal, but he has been cut off completely from God and is not capable of making his own decisions. We’re talking about one of God’s chosen messengers being compromised. This is bad.

As you may recall, I dispatched envoys last week to talk to Pat. They went missing. Moses got command of a pair of Special Forces teams and drew up a search grid after we lost contact with them, and I approved their incursion into Earth’s sovereignty. He sent them in heavy. We hadn’t heard anything from them until now. I just got this email from Moses.

From Moses:

There appears to have been a problem with Operation Pat Robertson-Freedom. As you requested, I dispatched two special forces teams to rescue Pat Robertson and track down the missing Heaven City envoys that were sent to speak with Pat after his absurd idea to endorse Rudy Giuliani for president.

All communication with the rescue teams was lost after they discovered the envoys were being held at Guantanamo Bay, charged indefinitely as foreign terrorists. The security grid at Guantanamo Bay is so strong that our envoys have not been able to contact us, even via prayer. The likelihood that our envoys will get a prayer though is about the same likelihood that they will receive attorney representation.We may have to accept them as a loss, Jesus.

The defensive perimeter kept around Rudy Giuliani is also stronger than predicted; consisting of two Demonized Liberal divisions, a feminist Hellspawn overwatch, and an unusually high number of lesbian, abortion-loving, Succubae. These forces likely intercepted and overwhelmed our special operations teams after they discovered the location of the envoys, but before they could rescue the mind of Pat Robertson. Their whereabouts and condition are unknown, but the situations looks grim.

I’m sending Moses in personally on this one. His mission is threefold. First, he will take a a hand-picked team of four in to Guantanimo to rescue our envoys. Second, he will engage and distract the forces protecting Rudy Giuliani while a second team led by John Wayne infiltrates their perimeter on a joint capture/rescue mission. They will either find our Special Forces teams or bring someone to me who knows where they are. Finally, all remaining forces will combine for a search-and-rescue mission in an attempt to retrieve Pat Robertson’s mind.

Details are slim, and we’ll have to catch some breaks if we want a shot at restoring Pat Robertson’s sanity. We’ve got the best team of professionals Creation has to offer on it though. We’ll get it sorted out.

Related Posts

• Operation Pat Robertson-Freedom (2)
• Our new starting safety
• The key
• A word about Pat Robertson
• Has Pat Robertson lost his mind?
• What would Giuliani do?
• You’ll be monitored and you’ll like it