Limbo in limbo

Posted by Jesus on April 23, 2007

The Catholic Church, in all its infinite wisdom, has finally decided to get rid of limbo. It’s about time. For those of you who didn’t know already, limbo was that place where babies who died without baptism were supposed to have gone. The Church apparently couldn’t stomach the idea of these little babies going to Hell, so they came up with limbo. It’s never been a part of the official doctrine, you see, it was just a little side thing that kind of went with the official teachings. What’s wrong with putting the literal interpretation of Adam and Eve next to something they just made up to help answer a tough question? We all see how well that’s done with Christmas, a holiday you’re not supposed to celebrate, especially in the absolute and completely pagan manner you display lately. It too was simply a thing the Church came up with to make Catholicism more palatable, but today enjoys a dangerously mammoth following.

From the article:

In a long-awaited document, the Church’s International Theological Commission said limbo reflected an “unduly restrictive view of salvation.”

Pope Benedict, himself a top theologian who before his election in 2005 expressed doubts about limbo, authorized the publication of the document, called “The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised.”

The verdict that limbo could now rest in peace had been expected for years. The document was seen as most likely the final word since limbo was never part of Church doctrine, even though it was taught to Catholics well into the 20th century.

“The conclusion of this study is that there are theological and liturgical reasons to hope that infants who die without baptism may be saved and brought into eternal happiness even if there is not an explicit teaching on this question found in revelation,” it said.

Let me first say that there is indeed a literal teaching on the matter to be found in the Bible. Nothing you could ever encounter on Earth can’t be explained by the Bible somehow. It’s up to you down there to find these gems and pull them out though. We’re not going to hold your hand the entire way - that’s what free will is for. Secondly, it’s about time the Church figured this out. Just because you’ve not found the definitive answer yet doesn’t mean you can go making crap up.

Now, to all of you out there who believed that limbo was a place for “good people” who didn’t quote make into Heaven, let me allay that concern for you with the Truth. There is no limbo, only Heaven and Hell. The only way to get to the former is to live as perfect a life as you possibly can all of the time, making that your priority above all else. Your job, your hobby, and your entertainment should all be centered around doing good things, all the time. If you do have a job, or like to paint or play the piano or run marathons you’re going to find it hard to escape the latter. Think about it - did I have any hobbies on your planet 2000 years ago? Hell is the obvious destination for all who don’t make Heaven, even those who miss it by the smallest of margins. The unbaptized are no exception, though there is indeed a special ruling on infants.

So it’s finally done, limbo is no more. I hope that compels some of you to only increase your efforts to live a good and Jesus-like life. It shouldn’t have factored into your arrangements to begin with, but for the few who counted on that little safety net it might warrant a reexamination of life’s priorities. Especially Catholics. I know it’s going to hit some of you kinda hard, but we’ll all get through it together. I promise.

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