It’s good to be home

Posted by Jerry Falwell on May 15, 2007

Hi folks! I’ve come home! A few hours ago I was standing in my office talking to God about my future and He kept saying something about “the righteous now,” then the next thing I knew I was standing at a little door. There were a bunch of angels hanging about, along with Jesus, Mary Magdalene, a monkey (who later turned out to be God!), and Anna Nicole Smith. I asked them “where are Saint Peter and the big Gates?”

“That’s the main door, there’s always a line there,” said Jesus, pointing at a small crowd off in the distance. “This is the V.I.P. entrance. Welcome home, brother.”

It’s been a busy day, meetings with all sorts of committees and officials, they’re really going to keep me busy here in Heaven. I’m working directly for Moses, would you believe that? Reagan and I are back together again too, and apparently we’ll be working directly against Satan’s Hillary ‘08 campaign. It turns out that the identity of the Antichrist is sort of like American Idol in Heaven; it started with a lot of people and every so often one is thrown out. There are seven left now, and she’s still in the running, so Moses has stressed the importance of our task. I’m ready. I’ve had a long and fortuitous life on Earth, with riches of the flesh and of the spirit, and it’s great to now find myself in the greatest place in the universe doing work for the ultimate Boss. I’m up to the task, and the work here is just. It’s good to be home.

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