God hates Paris Hilton

Posted by Jesus on May 22, 2007

Thanks to Richard Nerra, who prayed in earlier to tell me about Paris Hilton’s latest fashion accessory, the Bible. Yes, the hotel heiress hell-spawn has been hauling around a copy of God’s Word in a most conspicuous manner. Could it be, perhaps, that Paris only wants to hide behind that which so many others among you hide? Could this whiny brat actually believe, or is the Bible replacing rehab as the first step to pretending to be better in the United States? Of course I went to Dad about the matter, who promptly laughed and dry-humped a holographic image of Paris crying silently in a small concrete cell. Without saying a word, God made it clear that He hates Paris Hilton.

And why shouldn’t He? Paris is the embodiment of most of what Dad hates. She has a ton of gay friends, knows more people who have had abortions than pretty much anyone else on Earth, and generally lives the life of a person out of touch with Him. Heck, the last seven times I’ve heard from her it’s been because her legs were in the air.

Besides that she has way too much money, not nearly enough of which is given away. She’s also made sex videos, done commercials for companies that put deadly junk in their food, and driven drunk. How many things do we really need to drum up on her before the point gets made?

In any case, Paris is going to jail soon. As I’ve discussed before, she’s in for something nasty when she gets there. Let’s see how far her one-week study session with the Good Book takes her in a place like that.

Related Posts

• God still hates Paris Hilton
• Paris is free, national IQ back to normal
• Swine flu: How to Survive God’s Wrath
• Paris, Paris, and sucking from the sky
• Why muslims keep fighting, and why God doesn’t care
• The Damned
• Sean Hannity is going to Heaven!