Brett Favre is going to Heaven!

Posted by Jesus on November 4, 2007

Ahhh, football. The volume of prayers flowing into heaven quintuples when your favorite team takes the field. Being fans ourselves, we largely ignore your cries of desperation in favor of watching the games as mere spectators, but now and then Dad will step in. When He does, you can usually count on the beneficiary of His Divine Touch being the spectacular Brett Favre.

Anyone who has watched Favre play over the years has to recognize that he is divinely touched. In fact, one might go so far as to say that he is even possibly being groomed by God for a starting position on Heaven City’s home team. It’s been whispered about for years, but as of today it became pretty obvious that God has some sort of plan for him. He’s being tight-lipped as to exactly what though.

You should have seen Him this afternoon. God sat on the couch flinging miracle upon miracle unto the Packers, most of them directed at Favre. After the game He sat silent for a few minutes, and when He spoke it was quiet and reserved.

“BRING HIM TO ME.”

We just wrapped up the paperwork. When Brett Favre leaves your world, which I assure you all is many long and exciting years from now, he will ascend to Heaven immediately and will be personally greeted at the side door by me, Jesus! Skipping the indoctrination process, Favre will be set up in a huge mansion on Lake Heaven City, just down the hill from God’s jungle.

As for what Favre will do when he arrives, only God knows. Johnny Unitas has been playing well, but the Angel Bay Trumpeters have so much room under the cap that we know they’ll make a play for him when his current sixty-two year contract expires. I personally think God will lean on Favre to take the H.C. Worshipers to their 6,244th consecutive Ultimate Bowl win. Again though, only God knows.

In the meantime, tell Brett congratulations if you come across him. Not many people get the free ride to Heaven he’s receiving today. But then, not many people are blessed like Brett Favre.

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