A new superbug

Posted by Jesus on April 13, 2007

Over the last five or six weeks since I began this site, a lot of ground has been covered. One of the single most important recurring topics is decisions and repercussions, a staple in the Bible and the entire concept upon which the moral structure of the Christian faith is based. In specific incidents I’ve pointed out the use of HIV, breast cancer, and other afflictions as punishments handed down from we up here in Heaven to you mortals down on Earth for offenses committed against or in the name of God. Of course the list isn’t limited to these few diseases, it continues far beyond those which you have found thus far, and there are even more afflictions on the horizon. To be honest, you can expect a steady stream of more virulent and more deadly diseases to pummel your poor planet right up to the beginning of the apocalypse, when the most devastating in our collection will finally be released. I know it’s not a topic many of you care to hear about, but it’s Friday the 13th and we need to talk about something related to doom. Doooooooooooooom! I’ll be brief though, I know you’re all busy practicing your pagan superstitions and wondering if any power besides mine could shape the course of events.

The article I’m going to talk about to day is this one, though I will not get into minute details due to the complexity of the subject. In case you’ve not clicked yet, the subject itself is gonorrhea. Basically here’s what you need to know.

From the article:

The disease has grown increasingly resistant to fluoroquinolones, the most common treatment for the bacterial disease since the early 1990s.

The US federal Centres for Disease Control and Prevention recommended yesterday that a different class of antibiotics, cephalosporins, be used instead.

“Gonorrhoea has now joined the list of superbugs for which treatment options have become dangerously few,” Infectious Disease Society of America president Henry Masur said.

“To make a bad problem even worse, we’re also seeing a decline in the development of new antibiotics to treat these infections.”

The CDC made the recommendation after discovering that nearly 7 per cent of gonorrhoea cases among heterosexual men in a survey of 26 US cities last year had drug-resistant strains of the disease. In 2001, only about 0.6 per cent of gonorrhoea cases among heterosexual men were drug-resistant.

This is how things work, folks. We create something which should be used to scare your kids away from having sex, and you just come up with medicine to fight it. We make it worse to deal with the rise in homosexual sex, and you create better drugs to fight it. We up the ante by making it spread easier, and you come up with a topical ointment which relieves the itch. In this never ending battle between affliction and naivety it’s only obvious what the eventual and necessary outcome can be – we will continue making the strain stronger, nastier, and easier to transmit until you get the message. If we have to we’ll make gonorrhea transmittable by looking at someone who has it, and make the disease rot the person’s junk from the inside out. What you’re seeing now, this “superbug,” is just the tip of the iceberg. You thought diseases were bad now? Just come up with another cure or a better treatment and we’ll show you just how bad things can get.

This is what happens when you interfere with Dad. What’s the purpose of punishing you if all you’re going to do is try to cure the symptoms of your punishment? None of you are thinking about why you were allowed to get gonorrhea, just about how best to fight it. Well, this is the first of many new twists we intend to put on classic diseases over the course of the next few months in a program we call The Summer of Affliction. During this program many of the diseases and punishments you know and love will be ramped up to account for your further decline into sinfulness and allowance of unholy unions between same-sex people. Some of the more high-profile targets include animal gorings, which are slated to increase by a whopping six thousand percent, testicular cancer, which we’ll ratchet up slowly to eventually become the most painful and eventful experience a man can possibly encounter, and killings of the first-born, which has been climbing since 1988 and will reach a peak next year around Mardi Gras. Hopefully our commitment to more drastic and devastating punishments will reign in this culture you’ve all helped to create around you. If not you can expect to see this type of thing continue to get worse.

I’m sorry it has to be like this, but you just don’t seem to be getting it. I come here and I try and I try to get these points across, and nothing seems to happen. I might get a few people to think about something for a day or two, but the impact of my return to public discourse has as of yet proved relatively uneventful. Our options are becoming limited now – we’ve flooded you, hit you with plagues, visited you, and even leveled entire cities in our attempts to make you believe and follow, but you all continue your sinful ways. We’re not exactly impressed with the results of the pilot program for increasing the strength and frequency of our afflictions, but we really are running out of options. Dad doesn’t want to start the apocalypse until way more of you are ready, but we’re starting to fear that such a day may never come. Dad’s decision to increase these punishments may be your last opportunity to recognize the importance of your stance in the world today, so I’d suggest paying a little attention. Especially if you’re one of the more recent recipients of gonorrhea.

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