words of wisdom from your personal Lord and Savior
"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." -Ephesians 5:24
Posted by Jesus on November 29, 2007
Children, I have sad news. Moses is in U.S. custody at Guantanamo Bay along with our two envoys, and we cannot reach him through our prayer channels. He was captured more than a week ago trying to free them, and we have absolutely no idea how well he’s being treated down there at this time. Earlier today we received this secure message, delivered from a sympathetic U.S. Guard at Guantanamo.
Posted by Jesus on November 27, 2007
You’ve probably heard about the death of Sean Taylor already this morning. Your “news” outlets are unbelievably capable of delivering up-to-the-minute reports on the status of professional football players and celebrities. It’s funny how they don’t do the same for your soldiers getting blown up in any of your various combat zones. On one hand we have brave men and women putting themselves in harm’s way to kill muslim heathens on your behalf, and on the other we have people who make you laugh or cheer now and again. Which one do you really think is more important?
Posted by Jesus on November 15, 2007
It’s official. Pat Robertson is under duress, and his support for Rudy Giuliani has been forced. He may look perfectly normal, but he has been cut off completely from God and is not capable of making his own decisions. We’re talking about one of God’s chosen messengers being compromised. This is bad.
Posted by Jesus on
You know, I’ve been thinking. There sure are a lot of you pretend Christians out there. I wonder if you really know the damage you’re doing to mankind by polluting and belittling the entire Cause in your efforts to curry favor among your brothers. You pray for peace and then you wage war. You espouse God’s cause and then you support an immoral serial sinner for President. You defy God, and then you have the audacity to pray for rain.
Posted by Jesus on November 9, 2007
When Todd Endris went surfing a few months back, being attacked by a shark was the last thing he imagined possible. Then again Lot’s wife never expected to be turned to salt, Abraham’s son never saw himself as a possible sacrifice, and none of you imagined that fanatical idol worshiping, false-prophet following heathens would ram airplanes into your marvelous money towers. That’s the thing about God’s punishment. No one ever sees it coming, so it’s pretty tough to wiggle out of.
Posted by Jesus on November 8, 2007
Not two weeks after waxing emphatically about the wonderful service to mankind provided by Pat Roberton, he’s run off and made a fool of me again by endorsing Rudy Giuliani for President. But Rudy loves to see baby fetuses killed, enjoys nothing more than breaking marriage covenants with God, cross-dresses for pleasure, and holds fags in high regards. Somehow or another the most reasonable voice for God living among you now, Pat Robertson, has entered into collusion with a future Battalion Commander in Satan’s Army.
Posted by Jesus on November 4, 2007
Ahhh, football. The volume of prayers flowing into heaven quintuples when your favorite team takes the field. Being fans ourselves, we largely ignore your cries of desperation in favor of watching the games as mere spectators, but now and then Dad will step in. When He does, you can usually count on the beneficiary of His Divine Touch being the spectacular Brett Favre.
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