words of wisdom from your personal Lord and Savior
"There is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution." ~Pat Robertson
Posted by Jesus on June 13, 2007
Yowza! Although old, this story about a woman ripping the testicle from a man with her bare hand has been getting some publicity today. A few folks have prayed in to ask what might happen to this guy now that he’s sans one nut. Unfortunately the Bible is very clear on such matters. Regardless of how it happened, the loss of a testicle does, in fact, negate any claim to Heaven a man might have.
Posted by Jesus on
I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about the Sopranos finale, and even some prayers have floated in about what might have actually happened in the final scene. To set the record straight, Tony got whacked. True story. It’s only too easy to figure out, if only you put the pieces together. Of course just to verify the whole thing I asked Dad about it too, and He’s in agreement. His having created David Chase and planned the entire Sopranos phenomenon before the first human ever set foot on Earth basically makes him the definitive source. Gotta love that.
Posted by Jesus on June 6, 2007
It appears that another pretend star with pretend boobs has decided to pretend to love me. In this pretend relationship I am the same Jesus that many of you other pretend Christians pretend that I am, except that the person pretending is more pretend than you are. You all pretend that you’re living like I would if I were there, and then to make matters worse you pretend that you all know what parts of the Bible are to be taken literally or not. And then to top it all off you pretend that your basic and altogether useless knowledge of the Bible, knowledge which you laughingly seem to hold in such high regards, grants you a free ride to Heaven. As if. I’m going to pretend to care a whole bunch when the lot of you end up in Hell. That goes double for the subject of today’s Damnation, Britney Spears.
Posted by Jesus on June 5, 2007
Did you guys see the debate with Hillary and Obama and Edwards, the one where they discussed their faith? In case you missed it, here’s a write-up on the event. The most interesting aspect to me, and apparently to CNN as well, was Hillary’s confession that her “faith” helped her through her time with Bill and his infidelities. I’d just like to know what “faith” she’s talking about, because we sure as heck haven’t heard from her up here in the last thirty years or so.
Posted by Jesus on June 3, 2007
I’m sure none of you really follow politics out there. You’re generally not smart enough to follow God, so why would you take an interest in the well-being of your nation? Is it any wonder I have to partner up with such nasty and spineless sinners as Rove to make sure the right people get elected? How many of you knew that Bush had nominated a new Surgeon General? How many of you knew he was even looking?
Posted by Jesus on June 1, 2007
You know, I always wanted to kick the crap out of some Russians, and I know a lot of you did too back in the day. Fighting muslims is fine for a while, but this is the 21st century and we want to test some of our super new fighter jets and stealth drone tank-busting leaflet spreaders. We know our tanks can blow up people in robes, but how do they fare against other tanks? How about our boys on the ground in a more “conventional” war against a well-trained military force? It’s high time we found out!
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