Posted by Jesus on April 30, 2007
A whole bunch of you prayed in over the weekend to tell me about this story, where a Christian author (Ray Comfort) has challenged two atheists to a debate about the existence of Dad. It’s a fascinating prospect, I think, for Comfort to take on such a task. Even with the help of Kirk Cameron the two could find themselves in the middle of a sticky semantic argument without the use of a Bible to bail them out. I wouldn’t generally suggest that a Christian go up against a nonbeliever of any sort without the Bible, but then I’m “in the know,” so to speak, about how important the Book is and how useless science can be.
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Posted by Jesus on April 29, 2007
It’s Sunday again, time for another believer to win the Jackpot. For those of you who are new here, the Jesus Jackpot is a weekly award given to one believer who shows innovation or clarity of purpose in their work. The award bestows instant acceptance into Heaven for the recipient regardless of past or future actions, as well as a whole list of other advantages. It’s really worth winning, so if you have a great idea you might want to put it in motion. Who knows, the next winner just might be you!
This week, though, it’s not you; this week it’s Billy Joe Henry from Nashville. He’s a tattoo artist who’s been through a lot in his life, having once been incarcerated for being a drug abuser. Now he’s set his life on an enlightened path and has taken his love of tattooing to a level which glorifies and promotes me. How awesome is that?
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Posted by Jesus on April 27, 2007
I’ve been in kind of a slump this week, what with all that’s been going on down there. You folks have really been talking to me a lot lately, and I appreciate that. It’s sad and unfortunate that it takes things like Virginia Tech to bring people around to what’s really important in life. It’s joyous and wonderful that more people have made that connection and reached out to those they love. Life really is a short, warm moment. All who experience it should get from it what they can.
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Posted by Jesus on April 26, 2007
The prayer channels are abuzz today about the Giuliani story. A lot of you seem to want to talk about Rudy’s statement regarding another 9/11 style attack if a Democrat gets elected, so I’ll capitulate. There’s definitely something to be said about it, and while there are more important things to cover we can still take a break now and then and discuss a little politics. Of course it’ll be slanted a bit, just as everything here is, but in a good way. And by “a good way” I mean it’s slanted in a way that you’ll go to Hell if you don’t follow. So let’s get started!
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Posted by Jesus on April 25, 2007
I wonder how many of you actually think you read the Bible enough out there. When you’re sitting in your living room on Monday night, after 24 is over and Jack has once again thrilled and amused us, do you think about getting out your old worn out Bible and learning something new? How about on Wednesday before Lost? On Saturdays, the Sabbath, after the afternoon hockey game? Or are you one of the many who save your Bible reading for Sundays, the first day of the week? Maybe you’re one of the majority in that you only get your Bible out and follow along when the preacher is reading. Roger Maxwell from Indiana prayed last night to alert me to a really great story about a man who differs so much from all of you that he actually kept himself out of jail with his knowledge of the Bible.
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Posted by Jesus on April 24, 2007
Straight out of Mexico City, it’s the damnation show, with your hosts, all of those people who voted to legalize abortion! I know, it’s not something that deals directly with the USA, and I do try to keep my focus on my most blessed and highly favored nation, but it’s something which I feel is important enough to warrant attention and action from all of the Christians around the world.
This legislation is threatening to make abortion laws in Mexico very similar to those in the US, which of course is a problem. We haven’t even gotten a handle on this kind of thing in God’s Country, and here it is spreading. See, this is why it’s so important for Christians to stand up and take control of their nations, especially the United States. Whatever is done in the world’s foremost superpower is bound to be emulated by a lot of other countries in due time, right? It only makes sense that those nations which want prosperity should mimic those nations which enjoy it. The problem is that Mexico, in a moment of utter stupidity, forgot that it was Dad who made The United States of America great and not lax moral laws.
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Posted by Jesus on April 23, 2007
The Catholic Church, in all its infinite wisdom, has finally decided to get rid of limbo. It’s about time. For those of you who didn’t know already, limbo was that place where babies who died without baptism were supposed to have gone. The Church apparently couldn’t stomach the idea of these little babies going to Hell, so they came up with limbo. It’s never been a part of the official doctrine, you see, it was just a little side thing that kind of went with the official teachings. What’s wrong with putting the literal interpretation of Adam and Eve next to something they just made up to help answer a tough question? We all see how well that’s done with Christmas, a holiday you’re not supposed to celebrate, especially in the absolute and completely pagan manner you display lately. It too was simply a thing the Church came up with to make Catholicism more palatable, but today enjoys a dangerously mammoth following.
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Posted by Jesus on April 22, 2007
It’s that time again, fellow beings of God’s creation! Today, just as every Sunday before, I am going to give out the ultimate award to some lucky and highly favored individual. This week the Jesus Jackpot goes to someone very special, a man who has been considered week in and week out for the award. That he’s finally won after so many weeks of being bested by others has nothing to do with his being inadequate or his acts being any less deserving of recognition or reward, it simply means that his time hadn’t come…until today!
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Posted by Jesus on April 20, 2007
Well here’s a fun little article courtesy of your friends over at Fox News. Did the Devil, it asks, make Cho Seung-Hui kill all of those poor students at Virginia Tech on Monday? Yeah, seriously. It’s a real article from a real news outlet asking for real whether or not possession by the Prince of Darkness could have caused this horrible and unthinkable tragedy. Apparently the author of the article, one Lauren Green, is not a regular reader here. If she were she would know the Devil’s role in this already. Just to be sure, though, let’s take a look at the whole mess again.
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Posted by Jesus on April 19, 2007
Well, I guess it’s time to either pack up and leave New Hampshire or dig in and fight for God. For those of you living in that fair state these have become your choices. Dad has decided that you’re no longer allowed to hang out and just be a spectator in New Hampshire, as a trend even among Christians of not getting involved has allowed a major victory to be had by homosexuals in your state. Oh, you haven’t heard? Well let me fill you in then, children - New Hampshire loves fags. It’s irrefutable, in black and white, and outright appalling. How could you let this happen?
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